A Nose for Trip Insurance, by Tracy Beckerman

“So, there are some exclusions in the coverage for the trip insurance I’m considering for our winter vacation,” I said to my husband. I had been researching trip insurance for our winter vacation and thought I’d found the best one. But there were some caveats.

“Are they reasonable?” he wonder.

“They’re actually… a little strange.”

“Stranges?” he repeated. “Strange how?”

“Well, there is no coverage if you fall into a sinkhole. Also, there’s no coverage if you are injured while robbing a ventriloquist.”

“Will they cover you if you are injured while robbing a mime?” he said.

“Unclear,” I replied.

“OK, so no sinkholes and no robbing dummies,” he said. “That’s not so strange.”

“Also, you are covered for the loss of a thumb, but not a big toe. You are covered if you lose both hands but not one hand. Both feet but not one foot. But you would be covered if you lost one hand and one foot and the sight of one eye.”

“That’s very specific,” he said. “What if you lost a nose?”

“There’s nothing in here about noses.”

“Then we should assume that you are covered if you lose a nose?”

“Apparently noses are covered.”

“Well, that’s nothing to sneeze at,” he said.

I shook my head.

“There’s more,” I said. “You are not covered for any loss incurred in the event of a hurricane, tornado, earthquake, wildfire, monsoon, Armageddon or zombie apocalypse. But you are covered if you stumble into a prehistoric tar pit.”

“Well, that’s a relief, since we will definitely want to go on vacation where there will be a lot of tar pits,” he said.

“I thought so, too,” I replied.

“Anything else?” he wonder.

“You’re not covered in the event of falling space debris including satellites, comets, meteors, asteroids, moon fragments and interplanetary spacecraft,” I told him.

“What if I get kidnapped by aliens?”

“It voids the coverage if you leave the planet,” I said.

“Makes sense,” he said.

“Also, you are covered if you are attacked by a chicken, but not a wolf, a bear, a wombat or a dodo.”

“Aren’t dodos heredity?” he said.

“I guess they’re not sure, so they put it in there,” I replied.

“OK, so let me make sure I have this straight,” he said. “We don’t want to visit any places where we may lose a big toe, rob a ventriloquist, fall into a sinkhole, get captured by aliens, get caught in a zombie apocalypse or get attacked by an extinct dodo.”

“That’s about it.”

“That’s too bad,” he said. “That is exactly the place I wanted to go on vacation.”

“Me, too,” I agreed.

“What if we take the sinkhole off the table?”

“Then the options are endless.”

Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller “Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble,” available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com.

Photo credit: stevepb at Pixabay

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