OK, we’re back. We were away, but now we’re back. We bet you were all flipping out because this newsletter is just, like, SOOOOO valuable and well-written and important that you’ve started to build your lives around it, but even the most important Fork needs a break now and then. So, umm, hi. Hello. What’s good?
Do y’all remember that time we introduced everyone to the world of weird Thanksgiving food items? We’re gonna do that again, but this is the Easter addition. We bet you didn’t know we grew up Episcopalian, huntin’ eggs and talkin’ Jesus this time of year. And though we’re now basically the devil, we do appreciate how holidays often mean weirdo foods, so let’s take a look at some of the abominations we’ve seen running around out there (and we say “running around” because we’re pretty sure some of this stuff is alive):
Deviled Bunny Eggs
From the American Egg Board (the very same people behind those “incredible, edible egg” commercials of yesteryear) comes this thing to make you say things like, “Y’know, I like deviled eggs, but they’re just not, I dunno, facey enough for me.” There’s a recipe right here, but we straight up think this is weird.
We’re not entirely sure how to explain it, but Peeps in sushi form feels really disrespectful. Still, photos prove it’s real, and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. And though we’re totally down with putting Peeps in a microwave to watch them get all huge, we’re otherwise on the team that doesn’t understand how this product continues to exist.
Croatian Bread Dolls
Who doesn’t think about eating swaddled babies at Easter? Everyone. Or no one? Oh, God, we’ve stumbled into possible double-negative territory. Could we have gone back and worded this differently? Yes—but there’s no time. There’s never enough time when we’re introducing people to a Croatian treat like this. We found a recipe for it (read it here) and are kind of hopeful one of our readers makes it. Even if no one does, this image is now a forever part of our nightmares.
“But, The Fork,” you’ve just thought. “Lamb is an Easter mainstay!” OK, sure, yeah, it sure is. But, and we say this not in a militant vegan way and more in a let’s-just-break-it-down way, it’s objectively weird to be out there all like, “Hey, friends, just finished eating a literal baby sheep. Happy Easter, everyone!”
Whatever the Hell This Is
We know what all the separate parts are (and also want to encourage you to Google “moldy country ham”), we just don’t know why someone did it. Is ham not enough of an animal for you that you need to add a rabbit face? We bet it tasted great, but it’s still weird.
It’s quite a world out there, friends.
-Even though Santa Fe New Mexican writer Teya Vitu is our sworn enemy, we’ll hand it to him for getting out food info quickly while we were busy lying on the ground with a banana daiquiri going, like, “UGGGGGGGGH, why’d we do it!” We’re talking about this story right here, a gripping yarn about how Albuquerque’s Los Poblanos Historic Inn & Organic Farm is fixin’ to open a new tasting room/snackery/retail store on the corner of Washington Avenue and Marcy Street. It used to be a bank? It was also apparently a gas station in the 1930s? You guys? It’s across from where there used to be a Kaune’s? You guys?!
-We went with our boss to new French spot La Tour Experience over the weekend, and holy moly—it’s phenomenal. He’s doing a full write up, he says, but just know we’re so so so so so so so so so so so so so into it, and you can ask the $20 thing of lavender tea we bought if you don’t believe us .
-Last we heard, local restaurants Santa Fe Pizza Gallery and Paloma were both hiring, and we also hear these places might come with decent wages. Now, there is no truly ethical compensation under capitalism, and we should all likely be making more money than we do, but having eaten at both of those places, getting a shift meal from either would be worth a lot. Just saying. Additionally, we know we’ve talked about Paloma pastry chef Jessica Brewer kind of a lot, but she’s also on the let-us-know-what-she’s-doing team, so while you’re thinking about telling your friends in restaurants to email email@example.com to give us info, know that Brewer recently kicked off a refresh of the entire Paloma dessert menu, and we cannot wait to try the new tres leches cake and guava tart.
-Don’t forget to vote in this year’s Local Heroes awards from our BEST FREAKING FRIENDS at Edible New Mexico. Without explaining the whole thing to you, it’s a way to honor the restaurant folk who make New Mexico kind of an absurd food destination. Think about it—there are, like, fewer people in our whole state than in many US cities, and yet we have the kind of food that, when you move, you miss so badly you’re on the phone with your mom all like , “SEND THE CHILE, YOU OLD BAG!” Anyway, vote for your faves riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight here.
–USA Today readers recently named the Santa Fe Farmers Market the sixth best in the country. That means we even beat out the Santa Monica one in California, and that’s a GOOD one. And sure, our little burg lost to Florida and Montana and even effing Minnesota, but you know what? We beat California. In yer face, California!
-Lastly, on the local tip, we see there’s another rolled ice cream food truck in town now called Ultra Icecream. Now, we’re gonna try it, no question, but it’d have to be pretty incredible to knock the reigning champ at Freezie Fresh off the top of our list.
When the demons come for you—and they will come for you—they’ll appear as these children.
-Thrillist-dot-com is out to rank the top 100 snacks of all time, but this sounds like a fool’s errand to us. Goldfish are obviously the best snack of all time, and we don’t care to hear anything else about the matter.
-Meanwhile, the folks at Eater-dot-com are churning out lists we CAN get behind, this time in the form of Japanese chips. If you wanna talk great snacks, the people of Japan are on this whole other level to which Americans could never aspire. Our stuff is, like, a billion variations of potatoes; over there it’s way more magic.
-Find here a very cool story about how oatmeal affects generations and how it helped save folks during the Great Migration. We’ve thought about this kind of a lot since we read it, too. We’re oatmeal fans as well, and a lot of that has to do with how it’s an affordable meal with many possibilities. The truly interesting part, however, is in how we build relationships to food. They can be complicated, but they can be beautiful. They can help us feel connected to our families across generations. Tasting things is also nice, and we include oatmeal on that list. Oh, actually, have you ever tried the oatmeal at The Teahouse? It comes with whipped cream, which is so smart.
-Food & Wine, a website dedicated to food and wine, names Albuquerque’s Slow Burn Coffee as the best coffee roaster in the state. We’ve never had that coffee before, but it’s on our own list now: List of Coffee Places We Are Going to Visit and Drink Coffee At With Friends.
A Totally Scientific Breakdown of The Fork’s Correspondence
This week’s print edition of SFR finds the continuation of the great brekkie b search, as well as some good news about huevos rancheros.
Number of Letters Received
*And we were gone for a whole week?! What’s up with that!?!?!
Most Helpful Tip of the Week (a barely edited letter from a reader)
“After reading your headline I decided to read no further. Bananas give me the sh*ts, but the headline did, also.”
*We don’t know what people do when they go to films, read books or watch, like, HBO and the word “shit” pops up, because it’s apparently quite unthinkable to some readers. Jeanne C. here says she’ll never read us again, but we don’t believe her. Now THAT shit would be bananas, shit.
Actually Helpful Tip(s)
“Speaking of going apeshit for Bananas…FYI: Many Banana lovers don’t know that they can be stored in the frig wrapped in newspaper or in a brown paper bag…the skin may turn brown however, the bananas will stay firm and edible for 8-10 days especially if they are stored just a tad on the green side and before getting overly ripe.”
*Doug H. popping in with that sick-as-shit banana tip! We’re gonna do this for smoothie purposes, Doug! Thanks for the assist!