Dutch speedskating legend Irene Wüst to retire after Beijing Olympics

BEIJING — Two goats walk into a barn.

Well, that’s not quite right. One is a real goat, an adorable white Saanen named Sophie with beady eyes, elfish ears and a gold medal around its neck. The other is Dutch speedskating legend Ireen Wüst, who explains her presence for this three-hour sponsorship photoshoot as such:

“It’s a big company in the Netherlands, and they are in goat milk, and they thought, ‘We want to do something with protein stuff, so we want to have the Greatest of All-Time.'”

There is no punchline, because there is no kidding. Just take a look at any picture that Wüst posts on her Instagram page, where even her fiercest rivals bombard the comment sections with reverential goat emojis. And for good reason: When Wüst set a new Olympic record in the 1,500 meters on Feb. 7, edging out Japan’s Takagi Miho in 1:53.28, the 35-year-old became the first athlete, male or female, to capture gold in five straight Games, summer or winter.

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